Wednesday, November 21, 2007

NFL 2007 - Week 12, Part I

This week, we'll have a little mini-column picking the Thanksgiving Day games, and a regular, main column on Friday or Saturday picking the rest. I'm not going to pick Sunday games on a Wednesday, for crying out loud. I know what happens when you mess around like that. I saw Matthew McConaughey get beat up by Armand Assante in Two For the Money. You think I want any of that noise? Because if that's what you think, then I hate to break it to you, but, my brother, you are sorely mistaken.

PACKERS @ Lions +3.5

That whole thing where the Lions were going to be good was fun for a little while, wasn't it?

Doesn't it just seem like some teams in some sports -- the Detroit Lions, the Arizona Cardinals, the Los Angeles Clippers, the Tampa Bay Rays (seriously, that's their name now) -- are just meant never to be good? And, if in fact that's true, aren't the Lions absolutely one of those teams?

I don't care what the Packers do, I still don't trust them. However, they're hot. And the Lions -- like The B-Sharps during their recording of "For All The Latest Medical Poop, Call Surgeon General C. Everett Koop" -- are not. Watch: this will be the week I finally decide that I can't keep picking against the Packers, so of course this will be the week that Brett Favre chooses to turn back into 21st century Brett Favre and start chucking stupid interceptions in crunch time.

But, I've finally decided that I can't keep picking against the Packers. Even if I'll never trust them, and this is one of those games were I feel like I'm being forced to pick a certain way. I hate it. I hate the stupid Packers. I hate their stupid, awesome uniforms and their stupid, awesome stadium and their stupid, awesome quarterback. I hate being a Vikings fan. I'm starting to feel like the Packers are America, and I was born in Botswana or somewhere.

(and for those of you Michael Moore fans out there who can't stomach that analogy, feel free to think of the Packers as New Zealand. Or Denmark)

JETS @ Cowboys -14

The Jets, even if they're bad this year, don't really tend to get blown out, and maybe that out-of-nowhere win over Pittsburgh on Sunday was a sign of things to come. Maybe it was a fluke.

And maybe you can't really call a 9-1 team shaky, and maybe the Cowboys haven't really given anybody any reason to think they're shaky, but, for some reason, a while ago I decided they were shaky. I picked against them last week and they didn't cover the spread, so maybe they'll do me the same favor this time out.

(I kept trying to talk myself into picking the Cowboys here because they're 9-1, but I couldn't. So, I figured, go with my gut. And what a gut it will be, come Thursday evening)

COLTS @ Falcons +11.5

The Colts without Dwight Freeney and Marvin Harrison just aren't the Colts (for those of you who don't follow the NFL incredibly closely: think "Cheers" without, say, Carla and Norm).

Luckily for Indianapolis, though, the Falcons are, in fact, the Falcons.

[note: you'll notice that I've eschewed my typical "Games I Feel Good About This Week" feature in this particular mini-column. The reason is simple: I don't feel particularly good about any of these three games. That feature will return in the regular, full-length column on Friday. Or maybe Saturday. I'll get it up before Sunday's games, I promise]

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